gods and monsters

i spilled the wine on a table-cloth that reminded me of his skin, and i traced over the way he used to hide in the red sheets and red pillows of my own bed
how his kisses tasted like copper
how he read me Bisclarvet while I was wrapped in sheets
how his skin was sticky to my touch and to my questions he answered with small kisses and wolfish grins
i was a fool–he told me the red tinge to his flesh was spilled wine
and it never occurred to me that it might be a lie

i remembered how his kisses tore my lips,
how his nails pricked my skin
how my breath, my words came so hard it hurt when i was under him
how my hair was damp and my eyes burned
i was saturated with him, drowning with him, rising and falling with him
He was all of those gods & monsters they tell little girls like me to escape
but there in the yellow dark
we never do and by then,
it’s always too late

and then he’s gone
deserted me in my pretty red bed
leaving me reeling and alone
and i wept for the new, heavy pain
he gifted to me and
i don’t know how long i’m to be it’s home.

“it takes time” is what they all say
but i don’t have that kind of time
so i leave the path and my girl-self behind
pull on stolen furs like he pulled on stolen skin
and he’ll continue with his hunt
but he won’t know that I’m hunting him

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