mimes do it better

we liked to test each other
with teasing
with taunting
bondage was occasionally on the menu
and
we’d role-played before
so the costume, a request made long ago that I thought he’d forgotten, wasn’t as much of a shock
Though it must be said
He’d really gone above and beyond

We’d contented ourselves with brain-melting kisses for days
I’m not ashamed to admit that I was dying slowly
every small smirk he threw my way as he left
every subtle press against my wrist while we sat in a dark living room
every whisper against my ear in a crowd
was the long, slow kind of torture

tonight
We decided on
silence
silence because it is so natural for us to squeal
and yell
to speak
to laugh
silence because it is so natural for us to moan
to whisper into our kisses
to beg for harder and deeper
to cry out in pleasure
silence because
we have never known silence

It is a whole different animal
when you decide to remove an aspect of love-making that is it’s own pleasure
you rely on new things
the tremble of a limb
the tightening of hands
on flesh
muscles
harder kisses
harsher breathing
taking away one outlet creates another
if we must be quiet,
we will be quick.
five minutes and the kisses taste like wine and lipstick
minutes after that, I feel his hands digging into my waist
my fingers digging into his arms
I feel make-up smearing my face and his hands tug at my dress
I can’t whisper “okay, okay” to him
and so I unbutton for him
trying to quell the impatience he is using his body to demonstrate
I stop unbuttoning three buttons in when I feel and hear with unfamiliar clarity
the rip of lace from under the dress
I cast him an unamused look
His answering look tells me plainly
that he really doesn’t care
I really don’t either.
I care that I can feel the way the muscles in his body tense against me
I care that even through a layer of clothes, I can feel the heat radiating off of him
I have black lace aplenty
but one pair of these hips settling between my thighs
Noises are memorized; remembering is easy as breathing
he pushes in
he hisses
except tonight
tonight he’s silent
so his fingers are borderline painful on my hips
tonight he does not groan when my legs wind around him
but his head still tilts back
the bite laid at his throat is usually met with a whimper he finds embarrassing and I find endearing
but tonight
he only sets a punishing pace into me
I almost think I have the upper hand for a moment
before he remembers my weaknesses
the sharp kiss against my mouth
a slow pull against my scalp
usually results in a loud yelp of
surprise and delight
but tonight
tonight my body tenses in place of every noise I’d make
I see how close he is
see how he is throwing himself into the pleasure
I feel how we’ll be cast off this cliff together
it can’t last long
its been too many days of teasing
too many nights together with heavy breathing in the dark
against mouths
and declaration of “Not tonight”
before one of us caves
and begs for sex
We have our pride
but it’s not set that high

I lose,
He’s in me and pushing just right
and I cry out
and I’m gonna be really ashamed
any moment now

Except the shame never comes. I’m too sated and happy
to think about how I broke first
I take the cigarette he’s passing me with lipstick clinging against the filter
“You can talk now, you know.” I breathe it out. Pass it back. Smoke clouds the air and I watch him take a drag and push it out again.
Usually this would kind of turn me on
but it’s been 5 minutes and I’m still hardcore after-glowing
I expect everything and his first words to me in I can’t remember how many minutes are

“So, can I take off the mime costume now?”

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